Pardon Me As I Feel Oddly Blue

I don’t usually flag up the blues here but I’m now alone, thinking about things in a room so quiet that I can hear my hair grow.

Things have been super. Nothing is wrong. In fact, things couldn’t be better. But these couple of days, I have been waking up feeling terrible for no rhyme or reason. M says its subconscious stress. Perhaps, what with the biggest exam of my life and a new job coming up. Or maybe it’s the thought of spending yet another Chinese New Year without my family. I do miss them terribly even though I talk to them pretty much every other day recently. Perhaps it’s got to do with the fact that it’s the 4th year we are spending CNY overseas, feeling like everyone has forgotten about us. But I know they haven’t.

I tried to bake some cupcakes this morning, with a rather appropriate ingredient – lemons – to see if the slum mood would lighten up a little. Nope, didn’t work. Kate, my KitchenAid was very cooperative, and did her job beautifully, but no, having a second bake-out with her didn’t help. Ate one of the cupcakes soon after, it was good but the blues are still here. I didn’t feel the tingle of excitement as I styled my cupcakes for the photo shoot. How strangely human and annoyingly irrational, this heart of mine.

So I am here for a bit, just to say…

Hello, I’m not feeling too good but I hope you’re having a much better day than I am now.

There, letting this out makes me feel an ounce better already.



20 thoughts on “Pardon Me As I Feel Oddly Blue

  1. Baking Colours

    Hey! Don´t feel like that!!… life is wonderfull and keeping you like this will make you miss life´s wonderfull things happening.

    I understand you, I feel that way sometimes!!… but CHEER UP!!! everything is gonna be OK!… I could almost smell that lemon cupcake!…. Wonderfull MEDICINE.

    This blog, your blog is DELICIOUS… I´ll tell you that I started my Macarons Marathon because of you, you inspired me! Althought they are still winning this competition, I can´t dominate them!

    You seem a quite good person, so DON´T WAIST YOUR TIME!!!… this will be a GREAT NEW YEAR…

  2. beidi

    Silly Rachel! 🙂 Okay maybe it’s PMS? I always get that weird down for a couple of days, but when the mystery’s solved i always feel a bit metamorphosized, like a butterfly breaking out of her chrysalis into the fresh crisp air.

    besides, nobody forgot you, not the people in Singapore and definitely not the one in Sweden (and so many places, just look through ur blog traffic feed). When I’m blue i know it’s time for a walk, say hi to a passing bird or dog (whichever comes ur way first), or a toddler stumbling ahead of his/her parent. life’s too packed with life to be blue, but we do need the blue to appreciate the golden yellow (tt’s ur lemon).. so wait for the blue to lift! 🙂

    1. The Pleasure Monger Post author

      Beidi: Nope, defo not PMS (lol TMI here). Thanks for your encouragement, and yes you are right, we aren’t forgotten. We just feel lonely I guess. I used to shy away from visiting people on CNY, but now, we’d be laughing if we can visit someone! Waiting for the blues to go away definitely, hope a date with M this evening will work its magic!

  3. Kavey

    I’ve been feeling blue for a few days too, though much better today. I know why, some crappy things going on, so it’s no mystery, but is most unlike me and am glad I woke up today feeling less emotionally fragile than last week or so.

    I imagine new job and exams are both contributing; it’s easy to assume that if one’s aware of the stress it won’t have an impact but it does…

    I hope you can still enjoy CNY with your friends, wherever you are.


    1. The Pleasure Monger Post author

      Kavey: Thanks for your message. We’re trying to plan CNY out, what with my revisions looming over me, hope everything works out well. It can be pretty painful to spend CNY sulking…Btw, I’m glad you feel better too.

  4. PL

    Haiya, you know what you need?

    u need to come visit us in Göttingen to appreciate how lucky you are back in London having access to all the beautiful ingredients to make your beautiful food lah…. :p

    u noe… the saying goes….we only cherish what we miss….

    so time for u to come here and experience “CAST AWAY”………. :p

    I’m quite sure you’ll be beaming when you return to your place in London 🙂

    ***……and when you’re here…..ahem…could you just whip up some dishes while Simin and I slog away in the lab….just like your recently past life?….domo arigato gozaimas :p …… ***


    1. The Pleasure Monger Post author

      PL: I guess the pasture is always greener on the other side. We think everyone’s feeling better and doing better than we are. And everyone thinks we’re in an awesome situation. We need periscopes!

  5. Han

    Hey, you are not alone. I am feeling rather down recently and I blame it on the CNY. Like you, this is my 4th CNY away from home! You are luckier, you have M with you while my special person is several states away right now. So I am baking tonight. I even picked out the recipe days ago: auspicious looking red devil cupcakes!

    Are you taking your phd comprehensives/ qualifiers? Good luck, I’m sure you will do fine!

    1. The Pleasure Monger Post author

      Han: Your cupcakes sound like they should do the trick, to welcome the new year and to beat the blues, literally and metaphorically! I’m taking my viva soon, so yes, I’m nervous and all freaked out, and I hope I will do fine, just as you said!

  6. Z

    I’m feeling the blues too, although for different reasons. My eye is swollen, my MIL-to-be is down with a bad cough, my BIL-to-be and his family were down with stomach flu. It’s been a horrid week!

    Cheer up babe, you are not alone, there’s M, your friends. And you’ll always your readers’ company 🙂

    1. The Pleasure Monger Post author

      Z: i hope everything works out for you!!! Keeping my fingers crossed for your big day! Thank you, there are a few loyal readers I can count on, and I know you’re one of them. Thanks for sticking around!

  7. bookjunkie

    I can totally understand feeling blue especially when you’re homesick during the holiday season. I would be too. Am quite a homebody and would miss my family terribly. Oh dear…am not too good at cheering up am I?

    Thanks for bringing us cheer with all your beautiful baking spreads and I hope you have a wonderful holiday and feel a bit better soon 🙂

    1. The Pleasure Monger Post author

      Bookjunkie: Thank you. Your words make me feel better actually, least I don’t feel like a wimp and I feel that someone understands! Thanks for sticking around too, my words are nothing if not for someone reading. 🙂

  8. heavenwildfleur

    it’s hard trying to be chipper n trying to get out of the rut when all u feel is blah. i say just indulge in whatever gloominess and it’ll sort itself out.. or i’ll come around and do that! haha but honestly, last thing i want to hear when i’m down is that things will get better haha.. but they always do, somehow.

  9. imp

    Reading your blog and seeing the beautiful photos make me feel happy each time I click on your link. I hope the blues pass soon. But hey, your photos on clementine macarons are such happy Chinese New Year cheer! You know, it’s Chinese without being cheena. 🙂


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